Words to Live By.
- by Viki
Take That Shit Off: Assed Out
- by Viki
Ok. Let me start off with a few disclaimers here, because after this post I assume I’ll lose a few readers (which, if you become offended, I don’t know why you’d read my blog in the first place- its full of offensive shit). First, I grew up with Hulk Hogan, and he’s been one of my favorite wrestlers since I was a little girl. His big-bird esque outfit, garish actions, and the way that he’d completely lay the smackdown on his opponents (wait, that was the Rock, right?) had me slamming my mom’s couch pillows in a number of well-executed wrestling moves.
That said, I’m not a big fan of his daughter, Brooke. First, I think she looks like only Hulk Hogan made her, i.e like a dude. The butt chin, thick build, and square jaw all scream “man in dusguise” to me. I’m also not too keen on her trying to sing, because it was just not working. What’s with all these celebrity kids trying to do more than milk their famous parents out of their money? If my ‘rents had enough to support me and two more generations, I’d sit my ass on a beach for the rest of my life, and do nothing. Not because I’m lazy, but because there’s no point in trying to strike while the iron’s hot, so to speak, if you already have it made. That’s like double dipping in a shared ice cream bowl!
Anyway, here’s a few shots of Brookie and her homeboy outside of their house, a la the creepy paparazzi at TMZ (thanks for the photos). Let me break these looks down for you:
This one is called “No.”
And this one is called “Hell to the NO!”
I’m a thicky thick myself, and although her body is toned, she’s still thick. I’m not hating on her frame or her size, but I think that she could have made a better bathing suit choice, seriously. The gelatin booty made me gag when I first saw it, and the front view was not much better. Speaking of front views, check out this picture that I found, showing a “juicy girl”:
Ok- I’m going to give you about 10 seconds to examine this picture and tell me what is wrong. Ready? Go!
No honey, you’re not “juicy”, you’ve been given a Photoshop makeover. Please stop trying to tell me that “little” frame can hold up them big ass titties! I can see the jiggly thigh that supports them, on the lower right portion of the screen. Whenever you go to photoshop someone, make sure you know what the hell you’re doing, k?
That’s enough…I think these are more fun than the stuffy fashion reviews! Who knows- maybe I’ll be the less pink, less gay version of Perez Hilton. *gag*
iWish: Ruche, mi Amor
- by Viki
iRawk: Tracksuit, Fatsuit, We all Love That Suit
- by Viki
When I’m having a fat day, a “meh” day, or any other day when I just don’t feel like being glam, I turn to tracksuits for comfort and style. Due to my little one, I’m a bit more round than I used to be, and its from my personal experiece that velour plus fat equals “girl, take that shit off!” In lieu of that, I’m going to share some of my fav tracksuits from the illustrious force that is Juicy Couture, and offer up some tips on how to wear them at any size. Shit, we’re not all modelesque, but we all deserve to be comfortable and chic!
I really love the design of this tracksuit; it has a regal flair with the gold without being too “hood.” As cream is a HARD color to wear for my fluffy divas, I’d suggest toning down problem spots by pairing this track suit with a long, dark tank underneath. This will give an all around smoothing effect without looking like you’re obviously trying to hide the bulge.
I might be prep or a wannabe AKA, because I just can’t get enough of pink and green. There’s something really whimsical about the color pairing, as evident in this next tracksuit. I love the “love” on the back, and am especially digging the fact that JUICY is not all spread across the ass. Its ok sometimes (see the next tracksuit), but this little number is good when you’re really having a “don’t look at me too hard” day. I’d rock this suit with a pink tank and some fresh kicks to complete the look.
This one is all the way hood, and I love it. There’s something to be said about a chick who is not afraid to let people know that her ass is juicy; I wish I had enough ass to rock this without a bit of self-consciousness. This suit is perfect for the big booty pros amongst us- you know, that girl whose butt looks both gelatin-filled and tight at the same time (and please don’t act like you don’t look, ladies- we all do), or those who feel like letting others check out the goods. Pair this with some Jordans (or other Nike shoe) and you’re good to go. If you have a nice tummy, I’d say go for the bare midriff; if not, go hard with a bright/neon tee underneath.
That’s it; as the tracksuit post might suggest, I’m feeling a little lazy today, so you’ll have to excuse my lack of rambling. Maybe I’ll get my ass motivated to post more than once a month, that way you can have a full dose of disconnected streams of consciousness, society loathing, and celeb bashing.
Funky Fuschia Finds Under Fiddy Bucks
- by Viki
Click the link for a shopping list! I felt like being pank today, so here’s a few faves I fancy.
Take That Shit Off: Wannabe 80’s Fake Ass Overdone Fashion
- by Viki
As we all know, fashion moves in cycles. One minute we’re rocking bellbottoms circa the 60’s, the next its ‘fros and fringes, a la 70’s noir. Because the 80’s were so full of color, vibrance, and keytars, many of us thought that it would never return to the fashosphere; well guess what- it did. Some of the elements of the 80’s, including leggings, vests, those hats you wear really far back on your head, and other random shiz have been making a big debut in celebrity and follower fashion. As a public service, I think its my mission to share some DON’TS with you- because I care, that’s why.
Ok- this first hot mess of a look comes to us from Paulina Rubio. I really don’t know who the hell she is, so I can’t comment on how she usually looks; based on this picture, however, I’d say like a junkie rummaging through Goodwill’s dumpster. I mean, come on- really? The vest is meh, the scarf is what the fuck, and the shorts look like something she had since she was 10. I’m all for individuality, please don’t get me wrong, but this shit is not individual- its merely a mash up of trendy pieces thrown together haphazardly in the name of being “up-to-date.” I’d suggest Miss Rubio fire her stylist immediately and try again.
I love the Harveys- Steve Harvey has made me laugh countless times over the years, and I adore his jokes about his sweet wife, because they’re so relative! That said, this is Miss Marjorie herself, and well…that damn bow has to go, I’m sorry. It reminds me of those big ass shoulderpads that women wore in the 80’s to compensate for their lack of masculinity; in this instance, it looks like Mrs. Harvey is trying to take some of the attention from her man. Its not a good look- the leading lady should always be a compliment to the lead, not desperately trying to overshadow him.
Here’s another chick that I don’t know and don’t care to Google, Siobhan Magnus; all I have to say is REALLY…? She’s going in to appear on Dave Letterman, and I sincerely hope he took the opportunity to crack on that outfit. Seriously. I mean, let’s break it down; she’s rocking a basic 3/4 sleeve tee with some sort of titty holster, paired with some shorts, wild ass stockings, a day-glo belt, and some ass-kickah boots that match nothing. This is not being an individual, this to me screams “I didn’t have shit else to wear, so I looked in my closet and put on stuff that I thought would maybe look right together.” Ladies, we’ve all been there, trust and believe that, but when you’re making some sort of important appearance and you are feeling like rummaging, please just throw on a white shirt and some jeans. Rocking some early 90’s stockings looking like walking throw up is not a good look.
That’s it for now, because after that outfit I don’t even want to start looking for more pictures. If you have some, feel free to email me at viki@victorianmahogany.com and I’ll dissect them for ya.
Lil Boy, Please Sichoassdown!
- by Viki
I get it, I get it- since you don’t have any pop stars with actual talent, you stuff this prepubescent punk down our throats and call him a “musician”. Yea.
Sichoassdown Justin, please.
miStyle: A Date With Kanye West
- by Viki
This is something I’d rock on an outing (not a date, because I’m happily betrothed) with Kanye. He might clown me for wearing a cheap fake fur, but I don’t do real fur for the sake of animals; I’m pretty quick witted so I’d find some quip to get back at him with anyway.
Hotness of the Day: Random Sightings
- by Viki
I might be vain.
That said, I’m a fan of catching celebrities at their worst; there’s something humbling about seeing someone of whom you’re used to seeing airbrushed to all hell look like a normal person. It makes you remember that you too can be as pretty as they claim to be, with the right lighting. I’m not too sure why that thought came to mind on this particular post- perhaps these random sightings got me to thinking about celebs with no makeup. Nonetheless, check out some awesome fashion and make your own conclusions on the celebs amongst them.
Halle Berry in a mini maxi and manly muscles.
Adrienne Bailon with the cutest skirt and bag ever.
The Retro Kids doing it big with high top fades.
Robert Verdi, man of perpetual fabric hotness.
Forgive and Forget?
- by Viki
Oh America- the land of the free, home of the mindless. We share a collective ignorance that helps us cope with the fact that we’re all arrogant fat bastards. Today, take some time to remember the things that our government has told us to forget.
